Despite frequent perceptions of the early Church as having attained a near superhuman sanctity, Scripture is not blind to the the fact of instinctive human impulse in their lives as well.
The first recorded act of the Church, for example, involved Peter's call for replacing the traitorous and subsequently deceased Judas Iscariot. Having narrowed their own preferences to two candidates, God was then granted His choice as to which of the two He might prefer (Acts 1:15-24). As a community supposedly subject to divine will and leadership, one might well sense a certain deficiency here in both priority and procedural order.
Again, while capable of singing praises within the context of dire circumstance (Acts 16:25), Paul also knew the struggles of frustration and discouragement (I Cor. 4:9-13; II Cor. 7:5; 11:24-33; Gal. 3:1; 4:11; 6:17; cf. Acts 28:15, etc.) and, when under pressure, considerable displeasure. Hence his rebuke of Peter before the Antioch church (Gal. 2:11-14); expressed desire that those promoting "Christian circumcision" go all the way and emasculate themselves (Gal. 5:12 - in deference to "refined English sensibilities" KJV translators simply mistranslated the verse; see any current translation); loss of temper and subsequent apology before the Jewish Council (Acts 23:3-5) and, perhaps most notable of all, breakup of the Paul and Barnabas Evangelistic Association in consequence of a quarrel (Acts 15:36-41).
While never in doubt as to God's provision of divine grace through Jesus Christ, Paul, interestingly, was not always sure how to assess himself: "It matters little to me," he once wrote, "whether you or any human court pass judgment on me. I do not even pass judgment on myself. Mind you, I have nothing on my conscience. But that does not mean that I am declaring myself innocent. The Lord is the one to judge me" (I Cor. 4:3-4 NAB).
Do we always understand ourselves in terms of commitment, motivation, and/or self-perceived attributes? The answer is no. In a somewhat humorous cast, the following, to at least some degree, illustrates the point:
Overcome by a sense of inadequacy in fulfilling his responsibilities as spiritual leader, a pastor once fell at the sanctuary altar and began crying out, "Oh, God, I am nothing; simply nothing!" Upon passing the auditorium door, the assistant pastor was so struck with the pastor's anguished lament that he likewise entered, knelt at the altar and began crying out, "Oh, God, I too am nothing!"
Hearing the commotion, the janitor came to check it all out. Observing both pastor and assistant pastor crying out to God that they were nothing, he was overcome with the thought that if they were nothing, where did that leave him? Approaching the altar he similarly began crying out, "Oh, God, I also am nothing; totally nothing" - at which point the assistant pastor nudged the pastor and stated: "Would you just look now who thinks he's nothing!"
Burl Ratzsch
